HoMeWoRk

I have discovered that my life is a cycle of homework.

1. Wake up
2. Organize homework
3. Go to school
4. Review last night's homework
5. Get home
6. Do homework
7. Sleep
8. Repeat steps 1-8

I know I'm not supposed to complain, and that attitude is everything. But I don't hate school... 

I just hate homework. 

Sleep

I should be sleeping. 

I mean, according to my health teacher and my parents and apparently my cousins, I should be sleeping. "Ten hours of sleep is really ideal, Kayla. That's what a normal, well-functioning teen should be getting: Ten hours of sleep." 

Well, too bad. 

Because I'm not. I just CAN'T GO TO SLEEP. I mean, I certainly wish I could. I'm so damn tired in school sometimes that I have to slap myself to keep Mr. English Teacher from lulling me to sleep with his slight Southern drawl. Or I have to worry Mrs. Math Teacher's hideous voice setting off multiple alarms in my brain, screaming, "The world has become an evil, awful-sounding place! Shut down, shut down!" Or I have to pray to God that Mr. World History doesn't find my grade to be below my potential, so I don't have to pretend to not be crying in front of cutthroat, scar-bearing girls and freakishly tall man-boys. 

I wish that after my day at school, I could just come home and SLEEP. But I can't! It's impossible! After a day of listening to the teacher go over the homework we did last night, I take the long route home, my backpack straining my neck muscles and shoulder blades so severely that I think high school must be one of the leading factors of the declining life expectancy in the great U.S.A. When I finally get to sit down again, I immediately take out my homework and start furiously scribbling what we will talk about next class, and probably the class after that. 

By the way, my teachers all say that we're running "a bit behind." But I'm starting to think "behind" is the new "right on track." 

Anyways, this whole time, as I'm sitting in my last-period class, waiting for the bell to ring, watching the clock... The whole time that I'm walking home, wishing there wasn't a weight on my back... The whole time I'm carrying out the drudgery that is homework, I am thinking about SLEEP. 

I just

Want

To sleep. 

But I can't. Because there are things to do, and people to see. But mostly just things to do... 

The funny thing is, when everything is done and my homework is printed and name/date-stamped and stapled and filed, I suddenly become not tired. My brain all the sudden turns upside down, and everything I've been working towards flies out the window. Sleep is no longer my first priority. I need to look up spoilers for my favorite TV show, or better yet, watch my favorite TV show. I also have to text my friend about that thing, and finish that song that I've been working on. 

Sleep?

What sleep?!

Of course, 5 hours later, I will remember what sleep is. And I will remember in Geometry, when I find my eyelids fluttering and my breathing slowing, how important it is that I get it. So I'll promise myself, I'll say, "Kayla, you will not go to sleep at an obscene hour tonight. You will find a way to discipline yourself, and you will wake up feeling refreshed and excited and not falling asleep in Geometry."

Lather, rinse, repeat, my friends. Lather, rinse, repeat. 

Cyber-Bullying

I am not exactly new to blogging, I've had many blogs that have been deleted and re-made and deleted and re-made since I was about 10. Just because my blogs are mostly for me and my friends (as in they aren't famous or anything) doesn't mean that they're any less legitimate. I post things that I want to share with people, and I know that once I post something, anyone can see it.

Which brings me to another point: Even though I've been blogging for awhile (for almost 5 years), that doesn't mean I always knew what I was doing. For instance, I know now that you should never post negatively about someone you know, even if you do all the normal things like leaving out the name, gender, or age of the person you're talking about. Because I did that once, about a girl in my acting class. 

And it turned out pretty badly. 

I was just in a bad mood, and wanted to get all my anger out online. So I posted this big, long, mean post about this girl, knowing the odds of her ever seeing it were next to nothing. But then someone I did know saw the post and thought I was talking about her. 

Needless to say, it was a big awkward mess. Eventually, I figured it out and deleted the post. But I did learn a lesson: NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER post negatively about someone you know, even if you think they won't see it. That's not to say you can't write about your feelings toward a person. For instance, if someone is bothering you during lunch by stealing your food, you could always write about how frustrated that makes you, without referring to the person. 

I guess I'm writing this because since I've just started high school, I've been introduced to a wider range of people and I've noticed that kids aren't bullied so much in school anymore. It's mostly all online. On twitter, facebook, email and definitely blogs. It's just amazing to me that even the kids who have been insulted or written about online still have the guts to do it to other people. So just be careful what you say, because what goes around comes around. 

Shocks and Horrors

I just started high school, which means I'm a lowly freshman. I keep walking through the halls, expecting some senior to just crush me with his (or her?) backpack. But the thing is, this is the first time I've ever been in a public school. Now before you get all judgy, let me just explain:

I am not a snob. I am not a hippie, I am not a preppie, and I don't have an iPad. What I am is the child of two teachers. Two teachers who happen to have less faith in the public school system than most. (Because honestly, who actually has complete faith in the public school system?) Because of this lack of faith, they wanted to train to become Montessori teachers.

Haven't heard of Montessori?

Shocker. 

I'm not going to try and explain the complete methodology of Maria Montessori, the woman who invented (and clearly named) the Montessori philosophy, but basically the point is to teach kids how to be learners rather than teach them lessons in math or science. Of course, I'm not an idiot. I have been taught, ever since I was two, about math and science and history and geography and English and Spanish, but I've been taught these things slightly differently than most.We don't sit at desks, and we don't have a bell that rings every time we need to switch classrooms. We have one central classroom, and 2-3 main teachers that teach us everything we need to know. Occasionally, we will step outside our classroom to go to specials like physical education, music and art.

That doesn't mean we have a pool on the roof or anything.

But the point is, my parents are Montessori teachers who teach at the same Montessori school (though they are no longer married) and because of that, they get a discount on tuition if they want to send their kids. So you can guess where I've been going to school since I was two.


Yes, I went to a private school. Yes, I've never sat at a desk before now. Yes, my teachers did know how to teach a lesson past a powerpoint presentation. But it's not like the private schools you hear about in storybooks (do you hear about private schools in storybooks...?). We don't have a game room, or a cafeteria that serves us homemade meals 5 times a day. I didn't get special treatment just because I payed tuition and I actually do have a life.

In fact, I think because I went to Montessori school, I have an edge over my peers at high school academically. But, needless to say, there are some disadvantages. 

Such as, I'm used to trusting adults that know when to let you off the hook. Here, if you miss a question, it's a big, FAT, ZERO. 

And I'm also not quite used to this "being bored at school" thing. I have never been less engaged for a longer period of time.

But, I guess the moral of the story is...

There is no moral.

And I don't know how to end this post.

-K