PICTURES

I'm obviously not a world-class photographer, but I do love to take pictures and these are some I've taken in the past few weeks.

This one and the one below are of beautiful Sarah.

Random kitty in the woods...who is apparently a practiced model!

My dog Sophie as she discovers my camera lens...

My father's hand...and Sophie again.

My cat Cally! 

The flash woke her up...

Butter, Milk and Cheese

When you don't know what's going on

And you try so hard to understand

Things get warped.

Distorted by how badly

You want it

And you're scared because it's only 

A matter of weeks 

Until everyone finds out that

You're not ready and 

It all comes crashing down on you

All the sudden 

Everyone is leaving and you're the only one

Left behind. 

Who knows? That's what they 

Could have wanted the whole time. To

Leave you wanting to, 

But not knowing 

Anything. 

Problem Solving

Sometimes I just can't believe that my life is happening to me. Not the WOW, MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LIVING IT kind of way or the EVERYTHING IS SO AMAZINGLY PROFOUNDLY WONDERFUL kind of way, but the I JUST WOKE UP AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON kind of way. 

Sometimes I think I'm in a dream when I'm really not, or vice-versa. And I have this tendency to think: 

The extreme things that happen, not just all around the world, but to me as well....JUST DON'T EXIST. Because I'm a Normal Person. And extreme things don't happen to Normal People. They just don't. So therefore, they don't exist and are all carefully constructed plots by the government to move our attention away from our financially failing country. 

It's like I assume (in fact, I do assume) that since I live what is culturally accepted as a Pretty Normal Life, that I am forever doomed to the illusion that Pretty Bad Crap never happens to Pretty Normal People. 

And what I've learned is that just because your problems seem small and insignificant, they are still problems. I believe that if you feel strongly that something is not right, you should attempt to fix it or at least think about fixing it (for we can all agree that thinking about something can be just as hard as actually doing it). And since I've learned throughout this week (or rather, in the past 5 hours) that I cannot trust myself to judge the grandeur of my/other folks' problems accurately, than I am now of the mind that every PROBLEM is a PROBLEM no matter how small or how LARGE we perceive it to be. 

And I just realized that the first part of this post had almost nothing to do with the last part of this post. 

But hey! Life is a journey, so why shouldn't my blog posts be...

...I guess?

Oliver

Good morning sunshine
Come close and
Dance with me

Don't be afraid now,
We will walk
Quietly

Into the nighttime
I know you're scared that
The dark is coming

But you're the light
Yes, you're the light
Oh, you're the light

Little Kayla

(Around 2005)


The explanition of The life of me 


Prologe


This book is just about totaly me me me mua just if you were wondering Thats not what the sotry all about you how I would explain my life from my poinT of veiw so lets start Chapter 1 Annoyance


Well in life of a grownup with kids evryThing would be pretty much annoying but when you a kid certin things can be annoying for instance when you Think about me lots of thing are annoying here's The lisT: 




annoying Things


my broTher screaming 
my mom and dad Telling me what To do
mom getting mad
cleaning my room


but thats not all of it if I had written all of it the list would filled up the whole page






Found this in a little journal! It's funny how I always capitalized "I" but I didn't ever use periods...oh, Little Kayla!

Hangnail

Don't              Tell me what to do. You don't get to 

                                                   Play with my mind. Begging me, because                         You 

                      Need me. And then

                      Taking it back three seconds later. 

                                Leave                      Like there's nothing to it, I                    Couldn't care 

                     Less. But don't come back with all                     

                     Promises you can't keep. It's

                     

Me                And you. How could I not be scared? 

                     But I'm ready. I don't like hanging by a 

                     Thread, and that's why I won't be.

                                                                                   Not                                         Anymore.  

I Am NOT Excited

I am NOT

Happy about this. And I don't know why everyone else
Wants me to be.
Why can't they all just
Leave me alone?
Leave me right where I was
Where I'm happy
And fine.
Things are fine! They are good and
Fine!
And you know what?

I am SICK

Of people deciding that
Everything sucks.
Because it doesn't!
Everything doesn't suck. I don't know why people can't gain just the teensy-est bit of
Perspective. Actually, the thing that bugs me the most is when
People decide that running away from the things
That bug them is going
To solve all their dumb problems
And

I am NOT

Going to listen to them brag about how their lives
Suck
More than mine.

I am INCLINED

To tell them to

SHUT.


UP.



Why can't two people,
Two ordinary people, talk about their lives.
No judgement! Just people talking, people giving advice, people thinking about the
WORLD and glasses like the ones in Emerald City.

Is that so hard?
Is it?


IS IT??????

Your Socks Are Untied

Leopard print
Make a dint
In
My
Life

Like a dove
It was love
At
First
Sight

Wait 'till dawn
Now you're gone
What
Will
I do?

Sit and sigh,
Sob and cry
Then
Move


On.

Seeing Yourself Anew (Some Thoughts)

(Written on 01/23/12 )

I am worthy of the best the world has to offer me.

Where do my judgments about myself come from? They certainly do not all come from me. Why is that? Should it be that way?

What is the difference between being conceited and loving yourself? Is there a difference? How can you love yourself completely and still have a reverence for others? Is conceited-ness just a way of covering up insecurity?

Maybe the difference between loving yourself and being essentially narcissistic is that in the latter state of mind, you mask imperfections as if they are not there. This is naive. To pretend about yourself is to be insecure. Loving yourself accepts imperfections as part of you, who is perfect for who you are and what you are. SO it is different. I am complete and perfect.

I am capturing the world around me because I know how I see things.

I am complete and perfect.

I feel incomplete. I feel that everyone is. I feel that flaws are missing puzzle pieces. I don't think I should feel this way.



I wrote this a couple weeks ago when I was thinking about stuff, and I didn't get to finish it. I didn't change anything from when I first wrote it... Just thought it might be cool to share! 

I Need To Start Sleeping

**PLEASE BE WARNED: THE CONTENT BELOW MAY CONTAIN MATERIAL THAT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 12 (OR ADULTS OVER THE AGE OF 70).**




So I was just reading over that post "I Know You" and I was thinking,

WHO IN THE HELL AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!


Because, you see, I remember that first part. About knowing this guy and really thinking he was great and getting all giggly around my friends when they teased me about him and BLAH BLAH BLAH. But what I DON'T remember is that part about...tree branches? And LOVING him and ESPECIALLY him putting his arm around me 'cuz we were like TINY people back then and no one's actually put their arm around me so I don't know what I was even talking about.

I mean, people have, but not like that. I mean....you know what I mean? Right? RIGHT?


I've gone on two dates in my whole life...and I didn't like either of the guys all that much and so I didn't go on any second dates but now I feel like a PARIAH because...well you know. I just....I JUST DON'T KNOW OKAY. I DON'T KNOW!!!!


Basically what I've deduced from this is that I need more sleep if my blog posts are going to make any remote sense in the near future. And by that I mean make sense to ME.



BTW: I am getting really pissed about people pretending to be all light-headed and dizzy when they've probably never fainted in their lives!!!!!!!!!!! Because trust me, if you had, you wouldn't go around pretending all the time because fainting SUCKS. I've only done it once and I didn't even pass out so I probably don't even know the half of it. IT'S GETTING OLD, PEOPLE. 

MEOWEE!

Today I feel unusually AWESOME. I drew some flowers, got all my homework done early and the only downer was that I rejected from a school lottery!!!!! I don't know. My day has been great. But high school scares the crap out of me. I guess I'm just afraid that I've been in this "MCS bubble" my whole life. Maybe outside of my tiny little social circle I actually have no interpersonal skills. When I tell this to people they always say: "But you're smart. You'll do fine in high school." or "Being nervous is normal!" But that's not what I mean. Honestly, I have complete faith that I could do really well in every class I take if I wanted to next year. But I'm afraid I won't have a life. I'm not just nervous, I'm terrified. I will keep in touch with my friends from middle school, and there's a very (VERY) slight chance I might go to school with some of them, but I'm afraid once they have their own friends they won't care about me anymore. I just think everyone will leave me, I guess.

 BUT ANYWAYS! Here's a picture of the flowers I drew. You can't see it very well cuz it's small and a little blurry but OH WELL!

There all little pictures of one big sketch...