Today was a BLEH day. It was a nothing day, filled with nothing-ness. Yesterday was like that too! But in spite of the nothing-ness, it feels like I have a lot on my plate.
Friendships are difficult. That's what I've learned these last couple of nothing-ness days. There are different kinds of them, and they're all a little different, but they're all difficult. I guess you could say my experiences with friends have always been diverse, and nothing the same ever happens twice.
I probably have a lot of "friends" per say. But I don't have a lot of close friends, which is what I really want. My friends are nice, but a lot of them aren't people I would want to pour my life out all over.I think to be close friends with someone, there has to be something different about the relationship. So I have a best friend who is practically like a sister to me. She's there whenever, but we're not afraid to disagree with each-other or talk about whatever comes to mind. She's different because she feels like family. I have another friend who is soft-spoken. She doesn't like to talk about herself and whenever we talk it's mostly me doing all the jabbering. I like her a lot, and I actually look up to her. That's what makes that friendship different than others, because I really respect her.
But then there are the friends that I wish I knew better. Sometimes I creep myself out, because I want so badly for people to confide in me. Especially this one girl. I think she's amazing, and I admire/am jealous of her. She's so interesting and engaging, I just want to know more about her. But there's history and blah blah blah. Basically, it's complicated. But all I really want is for her to like me.
And then there are my guy friends. I don't have a lot of them. In fact, I only really have one. I used to have a lot of guy friends, since I didn't really hang out with the girls, but then I got all bossy and icky and they just left me alone. Anyways, my relationship with my guy friend is complicated. One day it's a straightforward relationship, and then the next it's completely different. I just don't know what to think...
But the weird thing is, with my close friends, I'm never satisfied. I just want people to accept me. I want to be special to someone, and I'm just not. There's always someone else for them, or that's what it feels like. I'm not complaining, but it's just very confusing.
Sometimes I think I suck at relationships in general. And then I get freaked out, because how am I ever going to survive high school if I can't even figure out how to do anything right?
Friendships are difficult. That's what I've learned these last couple of nothing-ness days. There are different kinds of them, and they're all a little different, but they're all difficult. I guess you could say my experiences with friends have always been diverse, and nothing the same ever happens twice.
I probably have a lot of "friends" per say. But I don't have a lot of close friends, which is what I really want. My friends are nice, but a lot of them aren't people I would want to pour my life out all over.I think to be close friends with someone, there has to be something different about the relationship. So I have a best friend who is practically like a sister to me. She's there whenever, but we're not afraid to disagree with each-other or talk about whatever comes to mind. She's different because she feels like family. I have another friend who is soft-spoken. She doesn't like to talk about herself and whenever we talk it's mostly me doing all the jabbering. I like her a lot, and I actually look up to her. That's what makes that friendship different than others, because I really respect her.
But then there are the friends that I wish I knew better. Sometimes I creep myself out, because I want so badly for people to confide in me. Especially this one girl. I think she's amazing, and I admire/am jealous of her. She's so interesting and engaging, I just want to know more about her. But there's history and blah blah blah. Basically, it's complicated. But all I really want is for her to like me.
And then there are my guy friends. I don't have a lot of them. In fact, I only really have one. I used to have a lot of guy friends, since I didn't really hang out with the girls, but then I got all bossy and icky and they just left me alone. Anyways, my relationship with my guy friend is complicated. One day it's a straightforward relationship, and then the next it's completely different. I just don't know what to think...
But the weird thing is, with my close friends, I'm never satisfied. I just want people to accept me. I want to be special to someone, and I'm just not. There's always someone else for them, or that's what it feels like. I'm not complaining, but it's just very confusing.
Sometimes I think I suck at relationships in general. And then I get freaked out, because how am I ever going to survive high school if I can't even figure out how to do anything right?
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